So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
