Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
