I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
