If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
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