to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
