he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
