So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
