tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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