Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
