My hand turned me down
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
