Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
