I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
