I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
The Olympian is in my bed
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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