my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
she peed on how many people?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
