You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
