Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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