No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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