that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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