i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
This baby is an asshole
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
