All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
