meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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