i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
