So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you would pick up someone in the library
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
