and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
