Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
