Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
How many fucks given?
0.12846
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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