They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
