just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
