Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
