i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
