he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
