i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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