Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
