ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
