he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
