we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
