bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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