you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
