I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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