So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Are my feet made of real feet?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
