maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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