Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
