I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
