If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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