She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
