Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I supernannyed him into submission
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
