She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
