those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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