Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
