I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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