he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
