I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
